all we have is now.

(more tunes. e-mail me for these ♫ tunes ♫ or a mix.)

it's 6:00 pm.

so.

out of all the dreams i've been having lately, this one is recurring and hauntingly so.

i'm, again, walking down this hall where the floor is lit and i'm looking at the walls. there is seemingly infinite black, like the abyss, in that direction, but a projection of a story plays out. where i watch myself losing everything and everyone. my hands are holding my hair back and i'm crying profusely and angrily. i see in my face that i can't comprehend anything. that's my worst fear in life - to lose understanding of everything. i even feel bad when i'm oblivious to something. but, anyway, other scenes play out. callbacks. flashbacks.

i've been having this dream for what feels like years. maybe this dream is my future. from this dream, i've been messing with an idea for quite some time. i've wanted to interpret that dream and expound on that feeling. i think i've succeeded or made an alternate idea.

i've modeled it after one of my favorite songs ever recorded by anyone, 'all we have is now' by the flaming lips.

synopsis:

our protagonist is stuck in a monochromatic world, filled with trivialities and blurred reality. nothing matters and nothing will matter. everything means nothing. he's lost in a world that he wanted to a part of. time passes, and he's lost his grip on everything. his coffee cups change color, he walks into invisible walls, etc. he becomes disillusioned with life and life becomes an illusion. everyone's a dream. that is, until the girl of his dreams (literally) comes to his doorstep. his new "neighbor," she brightens and colors what is left of his hope in life and keeps him floating in bliss. he feels better.

but, as things are getting better, he unexpectedly meets himself - that is, a future version of himself. his future self comes to tell him to leave her forever and never look back. this comes as a complete shock to him and he refuses. his future self stresses the importance, stating, "we're not going to make it. you have to leave her."

attributing this as another delusion, he shrugs it off and continues to see her. but as soon as he comes to a happy point in his life, she disappears. everything that proved her existence - pictures, appearances, friends' experiences - all is gone. the pictures have just him in them, and everyone doesn't remember her. she never existed, according to everyone. as he starts to lose his mind and comes to terms with her non-existence, he heads down a downward spiral.

the question to ask - can he change his fate of his own demise?

end synopsis.

ideally, i'm going to do this idea as a film with my friends and work on it for these next few months after christmas, but, i have five people to work on an entire film. even if it doesn't work out, this idea is still something i want to work on - whether a novel, a film with other people, or anything. i've spent too many days reliving this dream that's influenced this idea and part of me wants to make something of it, instead of letting it haunt me. i originally wrote a 400-page .docx, which translates to 500-650 pages in a book.

like i mentioned at the end of my intro post, i think i'll share scenes (filmed or scripted) as it comes together.

i'm perfectly indebted to the friends who want to work on this idea, as i think it'll be fun for us to put together and finish. but i'm fearing we'll start, i'll see some stuff i don't enjoy, or the entire project will never occur. that's worst case scenario. best? we finish the entire project and share it online with all of our friends and random people we know and generate word of mouth. that's what i want out of this film. no dvd's, no physical copies - you e-mail me and i give it to you.

i don't want money for my misery.

p.s. thanks to mobygratis for allowing the usage of 'the broken places' and the ambient mix of 'wait for me' in this film.

p.p.s. thanks for reading.